Hey everyone! I have been talking with Jack about wanting to get an Iphone and he has been telling me the all cons about it. Especially the network for it and paying for the branding. So my question to you all is, What are your opinions on owning an Iphone? I would like a balanced answer but dont be shy. This will help me make an informed decision on getting one when I get the money. Thanks guys! Later!

Was anybody else horified by Adam Lambert on the AMA's last night. I didn't watch but saw an article on yahoo and looked up the video. He just can not sing worth a shit. WHY IS HE POPULAR? I am not saying that the croch kiss from his dancer and kiss to keyboardist didn't atleast stir up America's prudish, queerphobic ways. I am all for that but HE CANT FUCKIN SING. WOW! I need some ice cream and try to find people to play L4D2.

Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Seabear who shares a birthday with me. I don't see you on here much but I hope you have a Good one today!

Why is everything pissing me off lately? First, I know I have to be proactive in my job search. I know that even the rigors of everyday life requires me to being proactive. But I get so fucking tired of being proactive most of the time. Like trying to talk to people or even get them to do stuff with me. I understand about people's schedules and lives happening but I would think they would atleast take time to say hi or something. Plus, I feel I have to organize plans to do stuff if I want to do stuff with others or nothing gets done. But then they organize stuff and when I happen to call, they are already doing something or I find out later. I just feel so lonely sometime and have Cabin Fever.

Second, I am trying not to nitpick with Jack. I am trying to let the little things that don't matter go. Still, I am getting annoyed with him more lately. I really love him but I just want to strangle him sometimes. He sent a game I haven't tried yet back. I was gonna snap but restrained myself and said I Love You. He texted me that he has a couple things that have been bothering him that he talk about after work tonight.

I really don't want to be this cynical person or crouchity old man, at the age of 31. I hope I am not going nuts.

I was just fired today. Went into work and clocked in but then was pulled into an office and told I was fired. I won't go into any details but its Bullshit. I was told it was because I wasn't fast enough cleaning rooms but I heard elsewhere, its some High School shit. When I do get to where I am going career wise, their Fuckin Heads will spin at how fast it will be.

I am so happy that I have a job, its not even funny. I loved watching movies and working on my depression but its good to earn money again. My job is not at Petco because they never called me back, so I called people back and got an interview with Holiday Inn Express in Marion, IL and American Eagle in town. Amercian Eagle was a group interview and I wasn't sure I would get it. Early the same day, I had an interview...more of a discussion of the job at Holiday Inn Express. A couple, who we are friends with, used to work there and helped get my foot in the door. Its not like the front desk like you did Matt but its still a hotel. LOL I get paid on Monday but only 3 days will be on it since I started this past Monday. Happy Friday Everyone and HUGZ!

Had a job interview today and hopefully I will get it! Money would be nice right now. ;)

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met(in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.

I had alot of fun this weekend and I am so happy I competed in the contest. Unfortunately I didn't win but it was so worth it. I was able to get out of my comfort zone and be brave. I am so happy and had so much fun, I would love to try again next year. Who knows, I might win. I met some new friends as well as hang out with lil' Matt, Josh, Hayden, Woofer, Steven, and Robert (aka Sir). I will talk more about it later but off for snack and bed. Nite and Hugz!

GST - Webcam style!

I have been thinking lately and wanted to post my feelings on here. This is to noone specifically. I want people to see me for more than just a crazy, spaz, who can act like a total crack head for a laugh. I want to be more than just a bald headed, cub that people might be attracted to or someone that likes kiss other guys for fun. There are different layers to me and I hope everyone can see this and know there is more to me than meets the eye. I can be selfish sometimes and act like a jerk, but I don't mean to hurt anyone. I care alot about people and I have feelings as well. I am a smart person but I hope I don't come across like I am better than anyone because I am not. I have a desire to learn about alot of things that may get in the way of my focus. I want to give my heart so much that I may not have anything left for myself. I want people to like/love me for who I am and want to get to know me better and hang out with me. I hope people can see that and care for me as well. I made a mistake and lost my job for something stupid but I feel the weight of the world on me everyday. I want to lessen that weight and am trying to continue to grow each day. I want to please people but I have to learn to please myself and do whats best for me. I want to experience new things and be brave to try things that I have been to scared to do and grow into the man. I want my friends to understand and support that and Love me no matter what. I Love You All and Hope you have a good week. Off to bed for now. Later!

Hey Everyone. I know its been a couple weeks but I have a very good reason. The freak storm that hit Southern Illinois last weekend, hit Carbondale pretty good. The pic up top is our backyard (normally without that much trees on the ground. I was working out when it started and I didn't want to freak out. Then I saw trees blown over and Jack called, so I knew it was pretty fuckin bad. I had to take cover in our downstairs neighbors basement, since we live in a duplex. When it was safe, Carbondale, Marion, and 5 other Counties were without power. That BAD! Tress were blown out of the ground and winds were as high as 120mph (thats what the weather forecasters said). Heres some more pics:




For more pics, check my photostream: http://www.flickr.com/photos/32476906@N02/

We basically traveled out of town for 3 to various friends with power. Saw Start Trek in IMAX that night in Nashville. It was Fuckin Awesome and if you haven't seen it, I highly recomend it. The dinner that night sucked though, even though Outback usually had pretty good food. Sat. we cooked whatever would go bad at a friends and played video games. Sunday was seeing a friend from Champaign and then going to Cape Gereadeau(Msp) for Rock Band Marothon. I was an alternate for the Bladder of Steel Acheivement. I drank some and played after Jack and our frien were done. Monday was a night of Fish that needed to be cooked and a candlelight dinner with Jack. And Tuesday was walking around Carbondale, trying to do errands before Jack got off so we could see Star Trek again. When we got back from the movie, the lights were back on but I had to go to the bathroom so bad that the inital pleasure of power being back on was lost.

Pretty much getting back into the rythym of things and cleaning since then. My back still hurts and I am going to Physical Therapy for it. Sucks not having a job and having to worry about money(sort of since Jack doesn't want me to worry about it). I am off to play some Mirrors Edge and get ready for a friends Grad Party when Jack gets off. Hope to see some of you at Bear Pride next weekend. And Heartland Bear the next weekend, which I will be entering as a contestant. Hugz and Hope Everyone is doing well.

P.S. Congrats to cubjosh for his weight loss and keep up the good work towards your goal!

I have been suspended from my job but I pretty much take it that I am fired. If you want the exteniuating circumstances then you can private message me and I will tell you but I don't know if there will be legal recourse if I say right here. I can say it was not participant neglect or anything to do with them. Jack is here for me and said since I have been stressed out because of this place, then he said I should take this month and first week of June off so that I can get my head together. Course I have been stressed and depressed period but CCS has been a big weight on me. Granted I am torn becauase I am stressed and wanted to quit but then now I am jobless. Anyways, I am off for now to watch Netflix and do laundry. Hugz!

Well, here's what happened. I was tranferring a participant from their bed to a wheelchair. When me and my friend, who was working with me, were transferring the participant, my back spasmed out and I knew I was hurt. When we got done, I was walding like a duck to wash my hands. I couldn't stand for more than a couple minutes before the pressure got too much and I was sore in my lower back. I called the number they had on the wall when this stuff happens and they basically said to stay at work and ice my lower back for thirty minutes then do that for 4 hours. I wanted to get it checked out and use the workman's comp card. I was told by my shift supervisor and a residential supervisor to follow what the phone number said. I disagreed and was told that I might be libel for the x-rays and medicine costs. I called a person higher up and they said I wouldn't be libel. When I told my supervisors this, I was told that I should have told them and followed what they wanted me to do. Whatever! Anyways, three hours, xrays, and alot of waiting later; I was able to eat something. Thanks to my friend who drove me to the doctors, the pharmacy, and his work where Jack picked me up at. Just rested and talked to my mom on the phone that night before going to sleep. She had knee surgery last week and is doing fine. She's got her own room and is doing therapy.

Been taking muscle relaxers since Wed. night but tonight a break from them. Depends what I want to do but I am feeling alittle better. Off to watch Netflix and relax. Hugz! Peace Out and Have a Fun Night!

Well...Its official. I hurt my back and now I am laying in bed. This time it happened at work. I will explain more details tomorrow but I officially hate my job.

Hey Everyone. It's been almost a week since my root canal. All is well and my teeth are doing really well. No pain and I am off my medicine for the swelling and pain. I have been waiting to drink for the past week. Not that that is the be all end all but man did I need one.

( It gets worse before it gets better but just read on cause you will like the ending ;) )